Two-Way Bitchslap

"Mommy, why do we only have two cats? Two is not enough."

"Well, sweetie, Daddy thinks that two cats is two too much."

"Mommy, it's 'two too many.' We're talking about numbers, not amounts."

Peals of laughter from everyone, but, sigh. Ooh yeah, people used to pay me lots of money to edit their copy and write their style guides, and now I'm getting the grammatical backhand from a five-year-old. Sigh.

Then it was off to school, where I was informed by the director that our girl is starting to be an uppity little thing "with children other than Merlin and Moomin." Lots of proclamations of her overall supremacy, putdowns of those without her apparent superpowers. FUCK. I had no idea she was needling Moomin (she and Merlin have been torturing each other for years).

So, I believe this will be Kindness Month. I will get her to keep a kindness journal. We will emphasize that we are kind to others not because we want to be recognized for our efforts, but because that is how we would want to be treated in return. There will be rewards for being kind when doing so means struggling. And, most importantly, this grouchy, short-tempered mom will be modeling the kind of behavior she expects from her kids.

Any suggestions are also welcome.