"I really have no right to say one way or another what you should or shouldn't do, but from what I have read,-If you are correct in that your son has never been told of his adoption-than he has had something taken from him that nobody has a right to take; it seems that you are justifying and making excuses for the adopive father's completely selfish choices, even though your pain and anger is apparent in the intro of your post. Your son is now an adult, and you speak of him as though he is still a child. Your decision is perhaps very "noble" but quite unfair to him really...IMHO, he at least deserves to be given the right to choose what he wants to do with the information. He has a mother out there who has never forgotten him!!!! What could be more valuable? If he's not interested in following up then fine, but lurking behind the shadows is certainly no good to him (or you really)."My response:
It is reality-altering information, and there's no taking it back. But you are right in that I'm feeling cowardly, too -- so far, I haven't been rejected by him, at least not overtly.What do you think? If you were adopted, do you think it is your right to know that information, even if your adoptive parents never told you?
His parents and I never agreed to open or closed, really. His mother was always good about sending me photos, but she died fifteen years ago and since then I've not heard a thing. And I really do think this information should come from his father, not from me. It would be a hell of a lot easier if I could just find out if he knows he's adopted or not!