Mali Asked Me What "Retard" Means

...because one of her friends at school uses "retard" as a casual pejorative. I suspect she already knew; she is nine after all. But this is an age where one's big kid ability to take in and process information is often at odds with one's little kid assumptions that the world is entirely a good, safe, and happy place. So here is what I told her:

'Retard' is a word used to make fun of people like your brother, people with intellectual disabilities. It is an awful word, and people who know better should not use it.

She asked me what to say to her friend, and I told her she could try the following:

1) 'Retard' makes fun of people like my brother.
2) So it hurts my feelings when you use that word.
3) So please do not use that word.

She'll be home in a few hours. We'll see how it went. And I think I'll have her watch the Not Acceptable PSA, even though it will further puncture her safe happy assumptions bubble.

What would you have said?

Take it from Glee's Sue Sylvester: "Retard" Is Not Acceptable

We let Iz and Mali stay up late to watch the Glee season finale last night. They thought it was a special treat, but thanks to our agent Ellen at Love That Max, I had a secret agenda. I wanted my girls to see the in-your-face End the R-Word PSA that aired during the episode's second half. If you haven't seen the PSA, go on, watch it. I'll wait.



When it was over, Iz (12) jumped up and shouted "Oh thank GOD!" She is weary of being the kid at school who protests and gets smacked down when her classmates toss "retard" and "gay" at each other. Those kids may argue with her, but who's going to argue with Sue Sylvester? No one, I tell you. Iz was elated.

Mali (6) considered the PSA a lesson like any other, because this was her first exposure to the PSA's racial slurs, and epithets. I appreciate her being told as straightforwardly as possible by those  maligned that the words she heard were not acceptable. I wish a PSA like this had been around when we all were six!

(Leo was already asleep. Soundly. While the world -- hopefully -- changed a little bit for the better, and accepted him a little more.)

The PSA's summary: Not Acceptable "is a powerful and compelling 30 second television PSA which gives voice to a variety of diverse communities each of whom expresses that it is not acceptable to call them by what were once common words, but are now recognized as offensive slurs. It culminates in actress and self-advocate Lauren Potter from "Glee" stating that it is not acceptable to use the word 'retard' and she and "Glee" co-star Jane Lynch make a call to action to stop using the word and to promote the acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual and developmental disabilities and to make their pledge online at http://r-word.org."