Head Sinking Onto the Keyboard As I Wait for the Vet to Call

The vet is supposed to call any minute now. To some it might sound harsh, but if they do not think Scabby will be capable of self-care for the rest of her life then I think we should deliver her from her misery. But I prefer not to think about it at all.

How do people function in medical school? Grinding continuously, not sleeping, yet expected to function not only normally, but at peak? How How How? This is the question I keep asking myself. Not that I would be capable of that type of performance, but it still sizzles my wizzles that I work so fucking hard all day, every day, but very little gets done, judging by the sizes of the piles of laundry, housework, and bills/correspondence I've yet to attend to. Plus there is filling out the paperwork for Leelo's admission to the Deadwood School District: Special Needs Edition, comments requested by tomorrow on the latest design for the new house (we staked out its footprint in the yard last Friday). A few holiday decorations are up but practically nothing, and every time I get something organized and put away Miss Mali comes around and undoes it:



Bonus points if you can guess which author she's about to desecrate.

That baby is fortunate to have such a winning disposition. It keeps me from leaving her on peoples' doorsteps after yet another night in which I am up working until 1 A.M., crawl into bed and read for 15 minutes, turn off the light and roll over with a luxurious sigh, only to hear "Ba ba ba? Itch gwAIII doh ma ma ma!"

The nursing will somehow knock my awake switch back to on, and I will stay up fretting about whether or not we can actually afford to build a new house, whether it is morally questionable to do so when that money would be best put towards Leelo's program so Seymour's parents don't have to foot 90% of the bill, whether we could be just as happy in a larger house down the hill, where it's cheaper. Away from this yard that feeds my soul. Sigh.

Basically I have been operating on three to six hours of sleep a night for several weeks now and I am so tired I can no longer smile.

Where the fuck is that vet? She said she'd call 77 minutes ago.

Ensatinas!

I am not a squeamish person, generally. I don't like to read about or see images of trepanning, but otherwise I usually remain calm when encountering things ooky or icky.

However, last night the neighbors got to hear me one-up that rat hollering significantly when I pulled what I thought was a twig off of my backpack, put it right up to my nose to see what kind of twig it was, and discovered instead that it was a mummified ensatina. I don't think I've ever screamed like that in my life. Everyone upstairs thought I'd accidentally chopped off a body part. I wish! Poor critter.

Speaking of poor critters, Iz, Mali, and I went to visit Scabby at the hospital yesterday. She still looked like absolute crap, still couldn't stand, was barely able to track us visually or move her head, and smelled like pee because I'm sure she's peeing on herself all the time because kitty bedpans don't work so great.

They don't know what's wrong with her. They've done all sorts of tests. She's not diabetic; she was dehydrated but her sodium was low, not high; her heart is racing even when she's asleep but they did a cardiac ultrasound and there's nothing visibly wrong there either. They think she might have eaten some toxic foliage, but we don't have house plants. I am going to go in and see the doctor this morning. I have to say that she looks as bad or worse than her companion Diamond did during her last days. Not feeling optimistic.

If You Absolutely Must Shop

Buy B1ue's Xmas 2005 List.

Rats!

This morning as I was rotating our lovely organic compost bin, a RAT poked its head up mid-churn (through a hole in the cover that it had chewed for itself and I hadn't noticed). Being a big suck I yelled my head off not because I'm afraid of rats but because I might have shredded poor defenseless rat pups.

I suspect we will have to thoroughly clean the bin and then dispose of what was two years' worth of really great compost. Sigh. And rotate the new batch more frequently!

How It Could Be

Sometimes Leelo turns into a completely normal kid for a split second, just long enough for me to see the boy he might have been. Thank heavens for when this happens, because I have been feeling a bit down about him and his behavior--even though I know his tailspinning has to do with illness rather than a decline in abilities. My outlook is not helped when darling but neurotypical little boys in restaurants who look almost exactly like Leelo and are obviously the same age come up and ask to play with him.

Thankfully Leelo gave me a pick-me-up this morning. When I came up from behind him and said, "Good morning, Leelo," he turned around, gave me full eye contact, raised up his hand in a typical good morning salute, and said "Good morning, Mommy"--with perfect articulation! Therapist L and I went into squealling fits of praise and hugs. It was so cool. Especially since he's been sick for a month now and so things have been shitty indeed, behaviorally.

Of course, Mali can not only salute, but wave hi and bye spontaneously and upon only overhearing someone say "wave." Plus she has two distinct hand gestures for "pick me up" and "come here." Sigh.

Mali also has been sick, for more than five weeks now. I thought she was getting better last night, but this morning her eyes and nose are streaming lovely green mucus trails. I hope they both improve by the time we leave for Seattle/Vancouver on Monday.

Think Good Cat-Speak Thoughts for Scabby

Scabby is in the hospital as I write this. We awoke thie morning to find her laying in front of the bathroom door, not blinking, breathing harshly, and unable to stand up. Poor kitty!

I took her to the vet accompanied by Leelo and Mali, as Therapist Y twisted his ankle and had to cancel this A.M. I thought our kitty might have had a stroke, but they haven't yet found anything obviously or definitively wrong with her.

I know I complain about her bed shitting and scabbiness a lot, but she really is a sweetheart as well as the world's best purry pillow and lap warmer. So think good thoughts for her, please.

Girl Babies Everywhere

Dee had her wee baby girl Teli (a.k.a. C3PO) almost two weeks ago. Yet her family's Christmas cards--custom photo cards featuring new baby and big sister Artoo--are already arriving on peoples' doorsteps! It ain't fittin'... it ain't fittin'. It jes' ain't fittin'... It ain't fittin'. I would say Dee's still high from the labor drugs, but she had a natural birth (ow!). Plus I suspect her spouse had a hand in all that dastardly timeliness.

Congratulations to the entire family, anyhoo. Hurrah! Two girls. Fun.

Seymour, Iz, Mali, and I finally got to meet Godmother Stacy's two-month-old twins Ella and Millie last week end (sick Leelo stayed with Babysitter A so as to keep his germs away from susceptible infants). The girls are a matched pair of buttons, too cute. And Stacy and partner are so calm, it floored me. Of course--as Stacy pointed out--they do have a lot of help, but so do I and my house still looks like some giant thought it was a snowglobe. Theirs is museum-perfect.

To me, anyhow. Apparently Stacy's mom found a crumb and a hair in one of Stacy's utensil drawers and got sniffy, saying some unkind things about Stacy's (immaculate!) housekeeping. (As if Stacy is the only adult in the house! I'm just going to keep sputtering.) The worst was that, after Stacy protested that she'd just had twins, her mom scoffed and said "Yeah, two months ago." I do love Stacy's mom, but had I been there I would have torn out her liver. Grrrr.

My cousin Guggs (Japan resident) and his Japanese girlfriend had a girl of their own in October. They named her Audrey. Guggs's sister Andie almost died from spontaneous combustion upon hearing her new niece's name, as she was expecting a girl herself before Christmas, and she and her husband had long been set on that same name, in honor of a family member. Guess they never told Guggs, though. And they truly were set, because Audrey II arrived last week. First cousins, same name, both girls, less than six weeks apart, one half Japanese, one half Filipino (my cousins are caucasoidal).

Too funny.

Letter

Finally got our Grinch letter sent out via email, so we could properly spit in the face of the kind people who usually send us gifts:

Hello Family and Friends,

Way back in the optimistic haze of November, Seymour and I started working on this year's original holiday letter, below. We really did think we'd be lobbing holiday love-bombs in a timely fashion. (Stop laughing!) Here goes:

The Holiday season is upon us. Seymour and I are thrilled at the thought of spending time with family and friends.

If you've already found the perfect gift for us, read no further. We love opening presents! [Seymour does, anyhow.]

But if you had planned on purchasing a gift for us and have not yet done so, this year we humbly ask you to direct your good will towards a charitable cause of your choosing. We are truly blessed and have more possessions than we could possibly ever need.

We'd also be honored if you chose to donate something in our name. We've set up a Giving Registry through an organization called GlobalGiving. They connect donors directly to social, economic development, and environmental projects around the world. The projects we selected are doing vital work in India, Brazil, South Africa, Pakistan and the world's oceans.

Seymour has had the great privilege of meeting the leadership of all these projects through his work at The Wack Showcase of Widgetry. They all apply technology in innovative ways to address some of humanity's most difficult problems: hunger, illiteracy, sanitation, poverty, and sustainable fisheries.

To access this GlobalGiving registry, please visit: http://www.globalgiving.com/registry/ and type our last name in the search box.

Much love and best wishes for the holidays. We love you and hope to see you soon.

Squid, Seymour, Isobel, Leelo, and Mali

Black Hole of Aural Ecstasy

Oh geez Louise. Don't say I didn't warn you.

www.pandora.com

Via Karin, who professed innocence at the time. Right.

No No. 2

Iz, from the back seat:

"Mommy, why isn't food more efficient? Why aren't our bodies more efficient? I mean, if our small intestines could just absorb all the food, then we wouldn't need our large intestines at all! We wouldn't need to have anuses! That would be a lot more convenient."

Me (what's there to discuss?): "Yup, you're right. And I'm all for convenience."

Didn't Go

Last night was WWD up in San Francisco. I'd been looking forward to it for months, but then at the last minute opted to send Seymour without me. Which apparently worried some of my friends. So, know that simply:

1) I am tired.
2) I blew it with the babysitting arrival times last night, and that was my fault, not Seymour's, so I told him to go.
3) I realized upon the babysitters' arrival (not C. S., but rather her daughter and Marroqui) that they were not quite experienced enough to deal with putting all three kids to bed, and that I didn't feel comfortable leaving the city limits lest they should need me.
4) The social arrangements were getting complicated, the bar was going to be crowded, some of Badger's friends are snippy to me, all of which make for a three-pronged introvert nightmare.

So I opted out. Had a perfectly lovely dinner all by myself, with my book. Yeah!