You Want Wha...?
I love to read about the really fricking warped google searches that lead web trawlers to folks like Jo and SJ. It is giggle-worthy reading because their hits are varied. "Gassy people" would be a welcome change!
See, I get the occasional ping from people looking for Leelo, squid, or shroomhead, but otherwise it is monotonous variations on incestuous perversion:
mom with fucking child
fuck mom friend
he fucked his mom
son fuck his mom
kid fucks his mom
mom sucks off her son
(I have only included searches for which I am in the top 30.)
So this I say: Sick fuckers, go home. Nothing to look at here, except a grouchy, floppy, exhausted woman with the speech patterns of a truck driver.
3.08.2004
3.07.2004
Two Cute Chick Movies:
My Wife is an Actress
Secretary
Two Unpardonable Chick Movies That Make Me Want to Kick Innocent Bystanders in the Head:
Lovely and Amazing
Anywhere But Here
All courtesy of lame TiVo, which also fucked up on recording this week's Angel.
My Wife is an Actress
Secretary
Two Unpardonable Chick Movies That Make Me Want to Kick Innocent Bystanders in the Head:
Lovely and Amazing
Anywhere But Here
All courtesy of lame TiVo, which also fucked up on recording this week's Angel.
3.04.2004
I Hope You All Rot
I have had it with fuckerwad conservatives who accuse me of being a conspiracist just because I happen to know that there are fucked up things going on with the government, and am not afraid to talk about them. People, THIS is what a conspiracist looks like. I am not one.
I have had it with people who call me a tree-hugger and laugh at my passion for protecting the environment, who sneer and accuse me of valuing plants and animals more than people. I value it all, because it's all interconnected. And not in a dewy-eyed, frolicking with fawns kind of way, but in a scientific way. There aren't too many more links we can eliminate before the entire ecosystem collapses and drags us down with it.
I am practical. And I care. Neither of those things are crimes, unless you are a conservative with your head so far up your ass that you can chew on your own appendix. If this is you, then you can fuck off, and I hope all your descendants contract diseases directly related to environmental damage.
I have had it with fuckerwad conservatives who accuse me of being a conspiracist just because I happen to know that there are fucked up things going on with the government, and am not afraid to talk about them. People, THIS is what a conspiracist looks like. I am not one.
I have had it with people who call me a tree-hugger and laugh at my passion for protecting the environment, who sneer and accuse me of valuing plants and animals more than people. I value it all, because it's all interconnected. And not in a dewy-eyed, frolicking with fawns kind of way, but in a scientific way. There aren't too many more links we can eliminate before the entire ecosystem collapses and drags us down with it.
I am practical. And I care. Neither of those things are crimes, unless you are a conservative with your head so far up your ass that you can chew on your own appendix. If this is you, then you can fuck off, and I hope all your descendants contract diseases directly related to environmental damage.
3.03.2004
My Eyes! My Eyes!
If you folks think this new background really sucks, I will change it. I'm a cartographer, dammit, not a web designer!
I was thinking of making more comics about Iz's superhero girl, and posting them online. Only problem is that the domain is already taken...by a porn hosting service. Shit.
If you folks think this new background really sucks, I will change it. I'm a cartographer, dammit, not a web designer!
I was thinking of making more comics about Iz's superhero girl, and posting them online. Only problem is that the domain is already taken...by a porn hosting service. Shit.
3.02.2004
Here Is My Plan
1) Steal a Transporter.
2) Steal Hermione's Time Turner.
3) Modify both devices to include remote "bugs" for placing on victims.
4) Use two devices to infiltrate White House and [make someone else] place bugs up GW Bush's rectum, where no one will ever think to look for anything other than his head, which no one values anyhow.
5) Use two devices to make GW Bush spend one dinner hour each day with the family of a soldier killed in Iraq.
1) Steal a Transporter.
2) Steal Hermione's Time Turner.
3) Modify both devices to include remote "bugs" for placing on victims.
4) Use two devices to infiltrate White House and [make someone else] place bugs up GW Bush's rectum, where no one will ever think to look for anything other than his head, which no one values anyhow.
5) Use two devices to make GW Bush spend one dinner hour each day with the family of a soldier killed in Iraq.
Here's to the Gorilla Girl, Gobs and Gobs of Love
One downside of our Phoenix visit--besides being in Phoenix--was that I had to shave my legs if I wanted to go swimming in the warm, citrus tree-circled pool next door.
I don't particularly care to hear about how I really needn't have done this. I went balls-out furry for a while, pits and all, as I am all for anything that simplifies the toilette process. But it just didn't work for me.
I caved in on my pits first, mostly because one of the legacies of the D'Artagnan gene set is high-test primal stench. With fur, the only way to counter my natural odor is hardcore antiperspirants. Which I avoid. That cool crystal jobbie? It works. But not over hair as thick as mine. Bare, slightly stinky pits will have to do, as I prefer to hug my children and friends without having them recoil.
A second D'Artagnan hand-me-down is serious body hair. (My poor, poor brothers and their thatchy, thatchy backs.) This plays out for me not in a unibrow, coarse, or all-over way, but rather in a soft brown pelt from knees down. They've been that way since I was a kid, and how much fun do you think it was to be the skinniest, shortest, and furriest? Really fucking fun, oh yeah. Unless you were me.
My mom forbade me to shave my legs, but by fifth grade I couldn't take the teasing anymore, stole one of her little pink Daisy razors, and grimly hacked away until I ended up with a bathtub full of fur (which I then neglected to rinse out). My mom's first thought on seeing the tub was not that I'd disobeyed her but rather that I'd tried to shave the cat. She laughed when she found out it was my fur, and gave me permission to keep on shaving. Every day. Oh, wait. Fuck.
The shins are as gorilla-like as ever. I don't shave them during the winter as it's not cosmetically necessary and I cherish the extra layer of warmth, but they will always be smooth and bare before I don my springtime capris. I remain eternally in fifth grade on this particular issue. I still hate the shaving, and only do it when absolutely necessary. For instance, if it's winter, I'm vacationing in a place where the air and pool are both 90 degrees, and I want to go swimming.
I did remember to rinse out my friends' tub, though.
One downside of our Phoenix visit--besides being in Phoenix--was that I had to shave my legs if I wanted to go swimming in the warm, citrus tree-circled pool next door.
I don't particularly care to hear about how I really needn't have done this. I went balls-out furry for a while, pits and all, as I am all for anything that simplifies the toilette process. But it just didn't work for me.
I caved in on my pits first, mostly because one of the legacies of the D'Artagnan gene set is high-test primal stench. With fur, the only way to counter my natural odor is hardcore antiperspirants. Which I avoid. That cool crystal jobbie? It works. But not over hair as thick as mine. Bare, slightly stinky pits will have to do, as I prefer to hug my children and friends without having them recoil.
A second D'Artagnan hand-me-down is serious body hair. (My poor, poor brothers and their thatchy, thatchy backs.) This plays out for me not in a unibrow, coarse, or all-over way, but rather in a soft brown pelt from knees down. They've been that way since I was a kid, and how much fun do you think it was to be the skinniest, shortest, and furriest? Really fucking fun, oh yeah. Unless you were me.
My mom forbade me to shave my legs, but by fifth grade I couldn't take the teasing anymore, stole one of her little pink Daisy razors, and grimly hacked away until I ended up with a bathtub full of fur (which I then neglected to rinse out). My mom's first thought on seeing the tub was not that I'd disobeyed her but rather that I'd tried to shave the cat. She laughed when she found out it was my fur, and gave me permission to keep on shaving. Every day. Oh, wait. Fuck.
The shins are as gorilla-like as ever. I don't shave them during the winter as it's not cosmetically necessary and I cherish the extra layer of warmth, but they will always be smooth and bare before I don my springtime capris. I remain eternally in fifth grade on this particular issue. I still hate the shaving, and only do it when absolutely necessary. For instance, if it's winter, I'm vacationing in a place where the air and pool are both 90 degrees, and I want to go swimming.
I did remember to rinse out my friends' tub, though.
3.01.2004
Back
I am so tired that I am hiding from kid-bathing Seymour so he doesn't see me crying. I almost started sobbing earlier today, when Leelo recognized by name a friend he only sees about once a month--but that was out of shock and amazement. Seymour probably just thinks I'm in standard early evening Leave Me the Hell Alone grumpyfuck mode.
I keep forgetting what a bad, bad idea whirlwind weekend trips are. They were bad enough before we had kids, and they are several degrees of worse now. Note to my brain: we need buffer time before and after our trips. The kids should never, ever travel during or after their regular bed time.
I need to tattoo all of this on my forehead, so that it's reinforced every time I (remember to) brush my teeth.
I am so tired that I am hiding from kid-bathing Seymour so he doesn't see me crying. I almost started sobbing earlier today, when Leelo recognized by name a friend he only sees about once a month--but that was out of shock and amazement. Seymour probably just thinks I'm in standard early evening Leave Me the Hell Alone grumpyfuck mode.
I keep forgetting what a bad, bad idea whirlwind weekend trips are. They were bad enough before we had kids, and they are several degrees of worse now. Note to my brain: we need buffer time before and after our trips. The kids should never, ever travel during or after their regular bed time.
I need to tattoo all of this on my forehead, so that it's reinforced every time I (remember to) brush my teeth.
Fatness, II
That Eating Disorders survey Badger just posted is foul, foul, foul!
Iz and I just had a long discussion over breakfast about "fatness." How if you use that word to describe someone to their face (e.g., Grandma), it can make them cry. How only your doctor can tell you if your weight is unhealthful, about metabolisms and how they change over time, about how fat is necessary for your brain to develop properly but too much of it can be unhealthy (but, again, your doctor is the person who will tell you this). Bleh.
I worry about this a lot, as Iz is her own person in many ways yet soooo susceptible to her friends' opinions. I wonder if this will be as much of an issue in a mostly Hispanic school (if she gets in)? I've never seen any studies about eating disorders in Latino communities. Anyone?
That Eating Disorders survey Badger just posted is foul, foul, foul!
Iz and I just had a long discussion over breakfast about "fatness." How if you use that word to describe someone to their face (e.g., Grandma), it can make them cry. How only your doctor can tell you if your weight is unhealthful, about metabolisms and how they change over time, about how fat is necessary for your brain to develop properly but too much of it can be unhealthy (but, again, your doctor is the person who will tell you this). Bleh.
I worry about this a lot, as Iz is her own person in many ways yet soooo susceptible to her friends' opinions. I wonder if this will be as much of an issue in a mostly Hispanic school (if she gets in)? I've never seen any studies about eating disorders in Latino communities. Anyone?
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