12.29.2003

Demon Spawn

I don't care how fucking cute you think your toddler is. If he is running around a restaurant yelling and screaming, and coming over to my table and shouting "Hi!" in my ear before I've even been served coffee, then you should thank your lucky charms marshmallow stars that I didn't stand up and drop-kick the little farthead halfway across the restaurant. The fact that I am sitting with a small child does not mean I am complicit. And you sure as fuck do not get to ask your little horror if he is "Having fun, Sweetie?"

You are going to hell. When you get there, my children will be the ones yelling in your ear. And you will never get the cup of coffee that makes it all a smidge more bearable.

As the heavens above are my witness, I truly despise kids. Except mine and yours, of course.

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