I don't write much about the young man I gave up for adoption 21 years ago, because there's not much to write. His once-open Facebook page is practically shuttered. He has almost no Internet presence, which is downright odd in this era of social media as collegiate oxygen. These things make me suspect he's either:
- Unaware that he's adopted and a techno-contrarian like his smart phone-rejecting biological mother, or
- Very aware that he's adopted, possibly aware of me even -- but skeeved by my fitful biomom blogging and so staying offline and away from my Google-y clutches.
And if it's the second? Sigh. I just ... am sad he's missing out on knowing us. All the signs say he'd like our family. He is a devotee of Star Trek: TNG and a slightly humorless geek like me, he is an intense history-loving academic like my eldest brother (the one info point I've been able to find lately is that he's Phi Beta Kappa), he has my mom's and second brother's flaming hair. I grew up with lots of cousins and adore them all, I married into a large Portuguese family and adore them all -- more family to love and to love a person back is only a good thing, in my book. But, he's not reaching out like most adopted people his age do, according to BlogHer, and that makes me think the connection is increasingly unlikely to happen.
At this point, all I really want to know is whether or not he knows he's adopted, but there's no way to find that out that's not creepy or potentially disruptive.
So I guess there's really only one thing left for me to do, and then I'll have done everything I can: Tell Mali she has an older half-brother, as I told Iz six years ago. I'm not looking forward to it. Mali is a really -- really -- different girl than her older sister, so I will definitely discuss it with Seymour and may even enlist a professional family counselor for advice before having That Talk. Iz is sweet and sensitive, but she's an intellectualizer, she understands the logic behind an unprepared young woman giving up a child for adoption. Mali, whip-smart as she is, is all heart -- she's only going to hear that she has a big brother whom she cannot and may not ever meet. It's going to require finesse, that chat.
As always, opinions and advice welcome. I'll leave you with the video I'd so like to share with him.