More Reasons Why I'm Not Working for Pay Right Now
I'm rather fond of my brain; I think it is a nice one and that I will keep it even though it is not the prestige model I secretly hoped for. Sadly, though, it is not working well right now. Two days ago I forgot to take Leelo to his weekly Occupational Therapy appointment, even though I checked my calendar more than once beforehand because of my currently untrustworthy memory. Yesterday it didn't occur to me until twelve hours later that if a child pees on a rug at Mali's school in an area for which I am responsible, then perhaps I should clean said rug afterwards. I keep forgetting to add important items to my to-do list, which means that even the secondary brain I keep online is not entirely reliable.
I am grateful that no one relies on me for anything truly critical, or for anything paycheck- or deadline driven. I'm not in a position to meet anyone's expectations, especially my own. I am also grateful for the cushy life that allows me the luxury of a babysitter so that I can occasionally sneak out to a cafe and type nasty things about other peoples' children instead of working as a crucial cog in the machinery of truth, justice, and liberty.
2.28.2007
Note to Another Patron of This Establishment
Note to Another Patron of This Establishment
If your child is the only child in a restaurant and your child is repeatedly shouting at the top of her little lungs despite what appear to be your kind, calm entreaties, then may I remind you that it is customary to take said child outside of said restaurant until she either reaches the age of reason or she shuts the fuck up. FYI.
If your child is the only child in a restaurant and your child is repeatedly shouting at the top of her little lungs despite what appear to be your kind, calm entreaties, then may I remind you that it is customary to take said child outside of said restaurant until she either reaches the age of reason or she shuts the fuck up. FYI.
Technorati Tags: parenting
2.26.2007
Under Siege
Under Siege
It's 11 PM. No one is sleeping except Iz so the rest of us are all fucking burnt. Leelo is howling downstairs for reasons unknown, Mali is behind me watching Richard Scarry. The house is totally torn apart--to accommodate Leelo's new bed that he likes to jump on but won't sleep in and which wasn't supposed to arrive until April--leaving innumerable opportunities for the kids to step on small sharp objects or release them from previously inaccessible places, or to pull furniture down on top of each other.
Leelo has been hitting us and everyone else, all day long. Iz tried really hard today to be kind and tolerant to him but ended up yelling "go away" every time he came near her and then got hit anyhow if I couldn't get there fast enough. I am fucking ready for Leelo to be off Fukalin; it may not be the only factor in his aggression but it is almost certainly a catalyst, and we saw a similar aggression upswing the last time he'd been on it for more than a few weeks and had disruptions in his routine. Five more days and we're done with Fukalin. Then Leelo will take a medication holiday of a week or so, and then we'll start him on Stratifera. I don't care if the new medication makes him cluck like a chicken as long as it also helps him be less of a danger to us and himself.
It's 11 PM. No one is sleeping except Iz so the rest of us are all fucking burnt. Leelo is howling downstairs for reasons unknown, Mali is behind me watching Richard Scarry. The house is totally torn apart--to accommodate Leelo's new bed that he likes to jump on but won't sleep in and which wasn't supposed to arrive until April--leaving innumerable opportunities for the kids to step on small sharp objects or release them from previously inaccessible places, or to pull furniture down on top of each other.
Leelo has been hitting us and everyone else, all day long. Iz tried really hard today to be kind and tolerant to him but ended up yelling "go away" every time he came near her and then got hit anyhow if I couldn't get there fast enough. I am fucking ready for Leelo to be off Fukalin; it may not be the only factor in his aggression but it is almost certainly a catalyst, and we saw a similar aggression upswing the last time he'd been on it for more than a few weeks and had disruptions in his routine. Five more days and we're done with Fukalin. Then Leelo will take a medication holiday of a week or so, and then we'll start him on Stratifera. I don't care if the new medication makes him cluck like a chicken as long as it also helps him be less of a danger to us and himself.
Technorati Tags: autism, autism blog, autistic, Iz, Leelo, medication
2.25.2007
May the Routine Be Unbroken
May the Routine Be Unbroken
Once again we have evidence that taking Leelo on a four-day crap-food-filled trip to San Diego, returning home only to have his dad leave for another five days is bad bad bad bad bad. Leelo is completely discombobulated.
All he's been doing for the past few days is hitting, shoving, or kicking, when he's not incessantly vocalizing with "shouting grunts." The only time he's not terrorizing everyone around him is when he bolts out into the yard for a circuit around the garden, hangs with Babysitter A or Therapist L for structured activities, eats, listens to "his" music in the car, or gets direct one-on-one eye-locked attention from me. Otherwise he attacks any person within range. His usual videos don't even calm him--the only one he'll sit still for is his beloved Totoro, but as soon as the dust bunnies start streaming out of the house he gets riled and attacks the TV.
He is pleasant enough to take on errands as long as we keep moving; the moment we stop he starts head-butting me in the stomach, unless we're getting back in the car. Tonight he punched me in the face because Iz interrupted while I was reading him his bedtime story. He has almost no spontaneous language other than talking about what he wants to eat or getting another straw pair to stim with.
He has mostly been leaving Mali alone because she doesn't react to him much. But Iz gives him huge reactions even though she knows it only encourages him, because she just can't help it. She is his primary target and it is really starting to wear on her.
Thankfully tomorrow we are moving him out of the room he shares with Iz, and into his own room. What was once our office/guest room will be Leelo's bedroom/therapy room. What was once our living room will now comprise our office as well. I don't really mind having so many multi-function rooms because I figure Seymour and I can either pretend we're urbanites, or that we're back in grad school except living together rather than five hours away from each other.
Anyhow. Leelo's behavior means that having people over is even more stressful than usual. Though I am grateful to Badger and Rook for coming over on Friday and bringing pizza and even better, Debbie. Most people don't know what the fuck to do with Leelo, but those three really make an effort to reach him and follow his cues.
Kids don't usually make the effort, and I don't blame them--at least not right now while he is being so unpredictable and violent. Iz's comfort level with her brother is visibly degrading, and so I am increasingly pondering a local siblings support group for Iz and her peers. The PHP sibs group sounds great, but 1) it is in Santa Clara (far) and 2) they only meet every eight weeks. I wonder if Deadwood City would sponsor such a group, or donate the meeting space, or if a local child psych would be interested in meeting with a group once per month.
Seymour is home now. We will probably need another few days to rearrange the house. And then we're not going to be doing anything different--not one thing--for a long, long time.
Once again we have evidence that taking Leelo on a four-day crap-food-filled trip to San Diego, returning home only to have his dad leave for another five days is bad bad bad bad bad. Leelo is completely discombobulated.
All he's been doing for the past few days is hitting, shoving, or kicking, when he's not incessantly vocalizing with "shouting grunts." The only time he's not terrorizing everyone around him is when he bolts out into the yard for a circuit around the garden, hangs with Babysitter A or Therapist L for structured activities, eats, listens to "his" music in the car, or gets direct one-on-one eye-locked attention from me. Otherwise he attacks any person within range. His usual videos don't even calm him--the only one he'll sit still for is his beloved Totoro, but as soon as the dust bunnies start streaming out of the house he gets riled and attacks the TV.
He is pleasant enough to take on errands as long as we keep moving; the moment we stop he starts head-butting me in the stomach, unless we're getting back in the car. Tonight he punched me in the face because Iz interrupted while I was reading him his bedtime story. He has almost no spontaneous language other than talking about what he wants to eat or getting another straw pair to stim with.
He has mostly been leaving Mali alone because she doesn't react to him much. But Iz gives him huge reactions even though she knows it only encourages him, because she just can't help it. She is his primary target and it is really starting to wear on her.
Thankfully tomorrow we are moving him out of the room he shares with Iz, and into his own room. What was once our office/guest room will be Leelo's bedroom/therapy room. What was once our living room will now comprise our office as well. I don't really mind having so many multi-function rooms because I figure Seymour and I can either pretend we're urbanites, or that we're back in grad school except living together rather than five hours away from each other.
Anyhow. Leelo's behavior means that having people over is even more stressful than usual. Though I am grateful to Badger and Rook for coming over on Friday and bringing pizza and even better, Debbie. Most people don't know what the fuck to do with Leelo, but those three really make an effort to reach him and follow his cues.
Kids don't usually make the effort, and I don't blame them--at least not right now while he is being so unpredictable and violent. Iz's comfort level with her brother is visibly degrading, and so I am increasingly pondering a local siblings support group for Iz and her peers. The PHP sibs group sounds great, but 1) it is in Santa Clara (far) and 2) they only meet every eight weeks. I wonder if Deadwood City would sponsor such a group, or donate the meeting space, or if a local child psych would be interested in meeting with a group once per month.
Seymour is home now. We will probably need another few days to rearrange the house. And then we're not going to be doing anything different--not one thing--for a long, long time.
Technorati Tags: autism, autism blog, autism siblings, autism sucks, autistic, routine
2.23.2007
Iz, Robot
Iz, Robot
I promised Badger I would post Iz's Robot comic strip. I have to run, so click through if you want to read Iz's description of each scene.
I promised Badger I would post Iz's Robot comic strip. I have to run, so click through if you want to read Iz's description of each scene.
Technorati Tags: cartooning, Iz, comics
Squid Squid Squid Squid
Squid Squid Squid Squid
1:22 PM 2/23 Updated with links galore!
For some reason Google is ranking this blog #11 for "Squid." That's ahead of Laughing Squid, Squidfingers, and Turbo Squid. Odd yet nifty.
While I would prefer that this site ranked within the first 50 hits for "autism" or even "autism blog," hitting the top fifteen with my pseudonym is not the crappiest thing that has ever happened to me. It also makes me less bummed over the random sliding of my Technorati numbers. Don't get me wrong--I know that people with better written and more entertaining blogs have shockingly worse rankings. But, if you wanted to link to this site or favorite it, and nudge me back skywards, I wouldn't mind ... not at all.
---
I will be grateful when Seymour gets home. Today I had two ten-minute windows to read in the car. Both times I fell asleep instead.
Negative sleep balance aside, I've much to keep me amused and grateful. Leelo participated in his school's kindergarten Chinese New Year parade, as the tail of the dragon. He was adorable. He got to follow a line of noisy and colorful kids/dragons in a path around the school, while all the other classes turned out to cheer them on. It was perfect for him! I was so happy to see Leelo and his crew join in and be welcomed by their school community, as they are usually segregated from the rest of the campus. I was even happier to have a Leelo school event that I could participate in with joy rather than unease.
Leelo misses his dad, though, and the crappy food I let him eat during our road trip has resulted in a lot of acting out, pushing, cackling, and having to be told multiple times and in therapy-speak to do things like put on his shoes ("Leelo! Put on shoes!") when lately one normally-voiced, normally-phrased request had been sufficient.
He still isn't on the playground. Supervisor M received no response to her Emergency Behavioral Plan. His principal is being slippery when I try to discuss it. I don't know what else to do. Those friends who were with me tonight after the very successful second DEPTAR (Deadwood Special Ed PTA) meeting got to see that I still can't talk about it without crying because there is no way to make Leelo understand why he can't go on the playground.
Anyhow. Iz is on Geography, constellations, and politics jags. She squealed when I showed her the Statistics section in the back of my atlas, and immediately read the entire ranked list of world's fifty largest islands out loud. She thinks that Alaska should secede from the U.S. so that it at least can sign the Kyoto Accord. She convinced almost all the attendees at last week's Rosenberg extended family dinner down in San Diego to come outside with her, individually, so that they could point out and discuss their favorite constellations. (Thankfully the Rosenbergs come from whaling and fishing stock, and know their skies.)
Forgot to write during yesterday's Mali transcript that our littlest girl doesn't just never stop talking. She is also a squealing, dancing, hopping ball of happiness and joy. She is unfailingly and appropriately polite without prompting, with the exception of affirmatives--those are all still, "Okay!" She mixes up her letter sounds sometimes--yesterday she told me that "K is for Care Bear," but usually she's spot on. She likes to count while dripping drops of juice from her sippy cup onto individual toes. She is a great mimic; five minutes after Iz was practicing headstands in the living room, Mali was doing the two-year-old semi-prone version and yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! Look at me! Look at me!"
All those Maliisms are great for vanity mommyblogging, letters to grandparents, and reconfirming neurotypicality. But they don't bring me the joy of watching my youngest during Circle Time at Iron Gate Nursery School. Neither Iz nor Leelo really grokked such things, but Mali dances, sings, claps, imitates, and anticipates the Circle Time routine right along with her classmates. That sweet, funny-looking baby girl has given me the gift of parenting a regular kid, and I am full of gratitude.
1:22 PM 2/23 Updated with links galore!
For some reason Google is ranking this blog #11 for "Squid." That's ahead of Laughing Squid, Squidfingers, and Turbo Squid. Odd yet nifty.
While I would prefer that this site ranked within the first 50 hits for "autism" or even "autism blog," hitting the top fifteen with my pseudonym is not the crappiest thing that has ever happened to me. It also makes me less bummed over the random sliding of my Technorati numbers. Don't get me wrong--I know that people with better written and more entertaining blogs have shockingly worse rankings. But, if you wanted to link to this site or favorite it, and nudge me back skywards, I wouldn't mind ... not at all.
---
I will be grateful when Seymour gets home. Today I had two ten-minute windows to read in the car. Both times I fell asleep instead.
Negative sleep balance aside, I've much to keep me amused and grateful. Leelo participated in his school's kindergarten Chinese New Year parade, as the tail of the dragon. He was adorable. He got to follow a line of noisy and colorful kids/dragons in a path around the school, while all the other classes turned out to cheer them on. It was perfect for him! I was so happy to see Leelo and his crew join in and be welcomed by their school community, as they are usually segregated from the rest of the campus. I was even happier to have a Leelo school event that I could participate in with joy rather than unease.
Leelo misses his dad, though, and the crappy food I let him eat during our road trip has resulted in a lot of acting out, pushing, cackling, and having to be told multiple times and in therapy-speak to do things like put on his shoes ("Leelo! Put on shoes!") when lately one normally-voiced, normally-phrased request had been sufficient.
He still isn't on the playground. Supervisor M received no response to her Emergency Behavioral Plan. His principal is being slippery when I try to discuss it. I don't know what else to do. Those friends who were with me tonight after the very successful second DEPTAR (Deadwood Special Ed PTA) meeting got to see that I still can't talk about it without crying because there is no way to make Leelo understand why he can't go on the playground.
Anyhow. Iz is on Geography, constellations, and politics jags. She squealed when I showed her the Statistics section in the back of my atlas, and immediately read the entire ranked list of world's fifty largest islands out loud. She thinks that Alaska should secede from the U.S. so that it at least can sign the Kyoto Accord. She convinced almost all the attendees at last week's Rosenberg extended family dinner down in San Diego to come outside with her, individually, so that they could point out and discuss their favorite constellations. (Thankfully the Rosenbergs come from whaling and fishing stock, and know their skies.)
Forgot to write during yesterday's Mali transcript that our littlest girl doesn't just never stop talking. She is also a squealing, dancing, hopping ball of happiness and joy. She is unfailingly and appropriately polite without prompting, with the exception of affirmatives--those are all still, "Okay!" She mixes up her letter sounds sometimes--yesterday she told me that "K is for Care Bear," but usually she's spot on. She likes to count while dripping drops of juice from her sippy cup onto individual toes. She is a great mimic; five minutes after Iz was practicing headstands in the living room, Mali was doing the two-year-old semi-prone version and yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! Look at me! Look at me!"
All those Maliisms are great for vanity mommyblogging, letters to grandparents, and reconfirming neurotypicality. But they don't bring me the joy of watching my youngest during Circle Time at Iron Gate Nursery School. Neither Iz nor Leelo really grokked such things, but Mali dances, sings, claps, imitates, and anticipates the Circle Time routine right along with her classmates. That sweet, funny-looking baby girl has given me the gift of parenting a regular kid, and I am full of gratitude.
Technorati Tags: autism blog, Iz, Leelo, Mali, parenting, squid
2.21.2007
Mini-Izzy
Mini-Izzy
Looks like the Gift of Gab bequeathed to Iz by my mother has struck our family yet again. Excerpts from being around Mali* for--I swear--less than five minutes:
My name is Mali! Her name is Izzy! Your name is Mommy!
Read me a book! Read me a story! I'm reading a book!
[Points to item of clothing] Is that yours? That's not mommy's shirt, that's Leelo's shirt!
Izzy, do you want to play with me?
Look, I'm wearing a hat! Do you like my hat?
Where's my mommy? Mommy, where are you?
My hands are cold. I'm cold! Are you cold? I'm cold. Are you cold? I'm cold.
I want to go climb. Come on! Let's climb!
Mali's hungry. I'm hungry. Are you hungry? I'm hungry for ... strawberries. Or ... ice cream cones. Or ... blueberries. Do you want some blueberries? I want some blueberries. Do you want some blueberries?
Noooooo! My blanket! My bear! My pillow!
Mommy's working on the computer!
----
And other cutenesses of late:
[looks at the dark sky] It's night!
[Calls from cold swimming pool to Mommy who is sitting in a nice warm jacuzzi and so has no intention of going in said pool]: Do you want to swim with me?
Now if she would only sleep! Last night she and her brother were up past midnight.
----
*I think she's around 26 months old.
Looks like the Gift of Gab bequeathed to Iz by my mother has struck our family yet again. Excerpts from being around Mali* for--I swear--less than five minutes:
My name is Mali! Her name is Izzy! Your name is Mommy!
Read me a book! Read me a story! I'm reading a book!
[Points to item of clothing] Is that yours? That's not mommy's shirt, that's Leelo's shirt!
Izzy, do you want to play with me?
Look, I'm wearing a hat! Do you like my hat?
Where's my mommy? Mommy, where are you?
My hands are cold. I'm cold! Are you cold? I'm cold. Are you cold? I'm cold.
I want to go climb. Come on! Let's climb!
Mali's hungry. I'm hungry. Are you hungry? I'm hungry for ... strawberries. Or ... ice cream cones. Or ... blueberries. Do you want some blueberries? I want some blueberries. Do you want some blueberries?
Noooooo! My blanket! My bear! My pillow!
Mommy's working on the computer!
----
And other cutenesses of late:
[looks at the dark sky] It's night!
[Calls from cold swimming pool to Mommy who is sitting in a nice warm jacuzzi and so has no intention of going in said pool]: Do you want to swim with me?
Now if she would only sleep! Last night she and her brother were up past midnight.
----
*I think she's around 26 months old.
2.20.2007
Leelo's Oil?
Leelo's Oil?
This article on using fatty acids for autism diagnoses and potential symptom reduction is so astounding that it burst open my guts and released the intense hope I thought I'd abandoned years ago. I am now feeling disoriented and sick to my stomach. This may be the one time in my life that I regret not living in New Jersey, where the trials are taking place.
I know that the project might fail, and that it will likely take years to develop even if it does succeed, but I Want to Believe. Have you seen Lorenzo's Oil? The desperate part of me--the part locked away with those nausea-inducing hope reserves--wants that kind of cure for my son. I love him for who he is--anyone who reads this blog knows that--but I would also pursue treatment relentlessly if it turns out that Leelo is autistic because he is missing a gene and so cannot metabolize fatty acids properly, and that his condition is treatable even if it's not curable.
Two additional gut-grinder autism articles from the past week:
The battle on the autism gene identification front.
What life for Iz and Mali might be like in ten years.
Many thanks to JerseyGirl, Ep, Badger, my father-in-law, and all the other wonderful beings who send me these links.
I'm going to go barf now.
This article on using fatty acids for autism diagnoses and potential symptom reduction is so astounding that it burst open my guts and released the intense hope I thought I'd abandoned years ago. I am now feeling disoriented and sick to my stomach. This may be the one time in my life that I regret not living in New Jersey, where the trials are taking place.
I know that the project might fail, and that it will likely take years to develop even if it does succeed, but I Want to Believe. Have you seen Lorenzo's Oil? The desperate part of me--the part locked away with those nausea-inducing hope reserves--wants that kind of cure for my son. I love him for who he is--anyone who reads this blog knows that--but I would also pursue treatment relentlessly if it turns out that Leelo is autistic because he is missing a gene and so cannot metabolize fatty acids properly, and that his condition is treatable even if it's not curable.
Two additional gut-grinder autism articles from the past week:
The battle on the autism gene identification front.
What life for Iz and Mali might be like in ten years.
Many thanks to JerseyGirl, Ep, Badger, my father-in-law, and all the other wonderful beings who send me these links.
I'm going to go barf now.
Technorati Tags: autism, autism research
Wide Berth
Wide Berth
The kids and Babysitter A and I road tripped back from San Diego last night. This morning Seymour left for a five day conference in some godforsaken frozen, chowdery New England city. While I am not feeling sorry for myself since I am a competent parent who knows where the local Burger King drive-throughs are located, I am pre-emptively tired and grumpy. FYI.
The kids and Babysitter A and I road tripped back from San Diego last night. This morning Seymour left for a five day conference in some godforsaken frozen, chowdery New England city. While I am not feeling sorry for myself since I am a competent parent who knows where the local Burger King drive-throughs are located, I am pre-emptively tired and grumpy. FYI.
2.18.2007
Leelo Loves La Jolla
Leelo Loves La Jolla
I think we need to live in a beach house. Leelo loves the ocean and is so calmed by it.
Here is the nice thing about having kids who are rarin' to go at 6AM on a Saturday: You can go down to the beach and get a parking spot! And then have a nice leisurely walk along the shockingly beautiful coast and sit wherever you like and meet very few people. Seymour couldn't come on this trip (stupid having to work) so Babysitter A kindly agreed to sub for him. I wouldn't even have had the time to write this if she hadn't.
Also, Leelo pooped in the potty twice yesterday!!!!! (both times after I caught him crouching in "the position), and has not kicked his shoes off once except during the 9 hour car trip here two days ago. With the anticipated exceptions of un-fun restaurant visits, Leelo is having one of his best holidays ever.
I think we need to live in a beach house. Leelo loves the ocean and is so calmed by it.
Here is the nice thing about having kids who are rarin' to go at 6AM on a Saturday: You can go down to the beach and get a parking spot! And then have a nice leisurely walk along the shockingly beautiful coast and sit wherever you like and meet very few people. Seymour couldn't come on this trip (stupid having to work) so Babysitter A kindly agreed to sub for him. I wouldn't even have had the time to write this if she hadn't.
Also, Leelo pooped in the potty twice yesterday!!!!! (both times after I caught him crouching in "the position), and has not kicked his shoes off once except during the 9 hour car trip here two days ago. With the anticipated exceptions of un-fun restaurant visits, Leelo is having one of his best holidays ever.
Technorati Tags: autism, Leelo, Mali, road trip, vacation, visiting relatives
2.15.2007
Hint: He's Not in Drag
Hint: He's Not in Drag
Woo-hoo, one of my favorite games! Can you guess which extremely serious-faced DoD'er is my brother?
Woo-hoo, one of my favorite games! Can you guess which extremely serious-faced DoD'er is my brother?
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