What is your take on "Please don't ever tell anyone about this?"
I view such requests with a Klingon-style respect for honor: they are iron-clad verbal contracts. You ask me not to tell, I don't tell. Not anyone. Not even Seymour. Not unless I've asked your permission. And here is a good example why:
A good, nay, great friend recently miscarried. It was her "last chance" pregnancy as she and her partner are both a few clicks past 40, so she was a few clicks beyond devastated. I'm guessing.
I don't actually know, because I was never supposed to know about the miscarriage in the first place. The friend hadn't told me about the pregnancy, because (and here I guess again) she was still within the 12-week window where only the brave or ignorant publicize their gestational successes.
However, she did share her pain with another associate. Who felt she couldn't bear the news on her own and so had to confide in me. And now every time I talk to or correspond with our friend, all I can think of is her misfortune. I can't listen or read without wanting to reach out and offer comfort and empathy. Which I can't do. And which, if I may guess a third time, is most likely the mindset the friend wanted to avoid generating in the first place.
So, people, if someone tells you a secret, please file it away and then shut your fucking trap.
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Tapping this in from Buck's, which to no one's surprise has free wireless.
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Update: I don't give a shit about my own feelings in this case, only my friend's. I wish I could offer her comfort, is all.
It is as okay to ask for support after losing an undisclosed pregnancy as after any other personal tragedy; again, it's about a friend being in pain and needing support, not the confidante's right to know.
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