Polar Bear Plunges and Other Changes in Routine

Breaks are always interesting for Leo. His school prefers for doctor visits to happen outside school times, so I tend to pack non-school weekdays full of medical appointments. And outings! The former are generally tolerated with mild to moderate protests, the latter are tolerated and often enjoyed -- but all are discombobulating because Leo's off routine, the constants that help keep him oriented are elusive, and anything different is bad.

How much more disorienting, then, to have a sudden heatwave in the middle of a "ski week" break, as we did today? It was 80°F in our town! The heat upended the weather constant, and had Leo all done with being at the mercy of caprice. He demanded that he be afforded the privilege that usually accompanies warm weather: a dip in the pool. So what if it is February! He is also not one to risk the whims of his capricious mother: he got himself into his swim gear before I could tell him no.

I opened the pool, figuring it would only take one toe in that icy water and he'd be back in the house -- but no. He and his not-to-be-outdone little sister spent a good half hour jumping in and out of the pool; both even jumped in fully a few times.

Leo's a tough kid, it takes more than a Polar Bear Plunge to scare him away from one of his favorite activities. And he demonstrated more of his increasingly characteristic tolerance today by letting the ophthalmologist examine his eyes with an auto-refractor machine, which he's never done before. Yesterday he let his dentist give him a relatively thorough exam without me needing to sit with him too. Years of practice and years to mature, they make a difference for our boy.

He's put in his time with the medical community; tomorrow we'll start the outings. Tomorrow we'll be going to CalAcademy, Friday I'm hoping we can hit Muir Woods. And then Monday Leo will head back to school, and all will be well -- or at least predictable -- in his world.

People Who Matter

I am grateful for calm, quiet, days like today. In which my kids and I get to hang out with lovely people like Rachel, who will walk with us in redwood forests, and stop to take pictures of fallen-tree -loving fungus:

And wait, not cajole or prod, while we encourage Leo to sit for a picture:

Who have the patience to look for pebbles at the beach...

And hopefully not laugh too hard at me when I try to get Leo to tell me what color these pebbles are, while he -- so done with answering silly questions that he knows I know he already knows -- will cheekily and consistently tell me the wrong answer three times in a row.

And who doesn't give Leo a funny look while he's enjoying the pebbles in his way.

And who is just damn fine company.

We can be an overwhelming crew, but I hope we weren't too overwhelming today -- that we weren't just taking. Sometimes, in our quest for pleasantness, we're not always aware when things become less-than-pleasant for those caught in our gyre.

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Update: Completely forgot to mention Leo using novel language -- honest-to-goodness scripting! We've rarely seen this before, but Rachel was there and can testify: When a fallen branch blocked the trail, and Rachel picked it up so Leo and I could pass, Leo declared "The mail must go through!" That is the title and refrain of one of his favorite songs: "No matter if it rains or snows, the mail must go through."

I told him it was a great analogy -- borrowing others' already-assembled words to comment on a similar, at-hand scenario is often the function of scripted language. Then I beamed. And then I promptly forgot to document it.

A Date With Our Boys

Leo, Jake, & Jennyalice

This is before the french fries & milk shakes arrived and the table looked ... very different.

Good friends make all the difference for me & Leo and our family.

Frozen Yogurt: Not Something We Take for Granted

It's interesting, talking to people who aren't familiar with kids like Leelo and Jake about our boys' day-to-day lives.

These talks make me aware of how fortunate we are, to have boys who think it's great to go on spontaneous frozen yogurt outings with all of their siblings and a couple of spare cousins. To know that our boys can usually if not always deal with a few dollops of chaos if we guarantee a payout at the end. To see boys who, after years of hard work, maturation, and the proper pharmaceutical support get to be part of the joyful family-and-friends flow I always imagined parenting would contain.

It isn't always easy for our boys to go excursioning, but it used to be impossible. I took this picture because I want to remember moments like these, cherish them, and never take them for granted.

Visiting the Monterey Bay Aquarium With Your Child With Autism

Last week I took Leo to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. My son is a huge fan, and would visit every day if he could; but the Aquarium is a very popular and often crowded place, and so not always the ideal environment for a child with autism. Not for my active, vocal, unpredictable, and easily overwhelmed boy with autism, anyhow.

We are fortunate to live nearby and visit frequently. After many, many successful visits and a few catastrophic ones, I now know what helps my son have The Best Visit Ever. Here's what I recommend for Aquarium-bound families like ours.

Locals: Buy a Membership
At $120 for one year, the basic family membership pays for our family of five on the first visit. Every visit after that is essentially free. As members, we have never had to wait more than two minutes to get in, which really helps squirmy boys who are still learning to stand in line. (Note: our current membership expires at the end of this month, but I'm not going to renew it until September because we don't visit during seethingly-crowded July & August.)

Out-of-Towners: Buy Your Tickets Ahead of Time
Leo doesn't like to wait in line, and neither do most of his friends. Plus the ticket lines for the Aquarium can be quite long. If we weren't members, I'd buy my tickets online so we could walk right in.

Go Early
We arrive the moment the doors open, 9:30AM during summer and 10:00AM the rest of the year. Timely arrival makes the difference between Leo getting to bliss out and commune with the jellies in relative solitude:










... and Leo fighting his way through jellyfish-ensorcelled mobs one hour after opening:









Prioritize
Since our recent visit was technically during summer (i.e., after Memorial Day) even though many local schools are not yet out, I knew we wouldn't get primo viewing or access to all of Leo's favorite exhibits. We had to make some choices. After the jellies, my son is most obsessed by the Outer Bay tank and its sharks, so we went there second. (And fifth. And seventh. And ninth.)

Sometimes, if the main Outer Bay viewing area's crowds aren't too tightly packed, we can shoehorn ourselves between a wall and one of the tank's corners, where Leo's spinning and glee and squawks only elicit questioning glances from one side.

Other times we turn around and head upstairs to the tank's viewing balcony. This last time, Leo was content to sit in the dark on the balcony for a good thirty minutes, while I bounced him in my lap and sang to him and gave him my full attention. This was possible because -- for the first time -- it was just the two of us. No sisters, no friends, no helpers. I had thirty precious minutes of uninterrupted joy with my son. I think there's a MasterCard commercial to be made from our experience.

During really bustling times, we head downstairs to the Outer Bay tank's ground floor viewing area, which is tucked away in the Vanishing Species exhibit between Wild About Otters and The Secret Lives of Seahorses. Few visitors seem to know about this alternate viewing area, which is nice for families like ours. The experience is not as immersive nor as dark as it is upstairs, but you get even closer views of the rays (that's *Mr. Ray* to Nemo-loving kids like Leo) and hammerheads. And Leo loves all the levers on the adjacent displays.



Cut Your Losses
We managed to get into the excellent new exhibit, The Secret Lives of Seahorses, but it got too bustling for us very quickly. So I kept us back from many of the tanks, as Leo's unpredictable behavior makes me leery of close quarters with strangers and their tiny children.

Both of us thought the seahorses were a trip, and Leo enjoyed the tactile experience provided by the giant seahorse statue. Next visit we will hit this exhibit first, so we can spend more time wondering at the seahorses and their hemispheric aquarium habitats.



Eat Early
We staked out the self-service cafeteria so we could get in right when the doors opened (11AM on weekdays, 10 AM on weekends). Otherwise, the chaotic mass of perplexed food-seekers in the slightly confusing kitchen area couldn't be more overwhelming for a child who dislikes noise, disorder, and crowds. Should you choose to brave the cafeteria during peak hours, note that grab-and-go beer and wine are also available.

Early diners also get the best seats in the cafeteria's dining area, with views of seals and cormorants, boats and divers, and sometimes even kayakers. Later diners can't always find a place to sit down, one of my worst-nightmare scenarios for an outing with Leo because he doesn't understand why we can't just eat all the food on the tray I'm holding right where we're standing.

If the cafeteria doesn't work for you, or if your kids aren't going to eat that early, you can bring your own food to the main amphitheater outside the cafeteria dining room, or the exterior amphitheater just past the Groups & Will Call entrance. You're not supposed to eat in any non-restaurant/cafeteria areas inside the Aquarium.

If you really, really don't want to worry about where you're going to eat, and your child can tolerate a waiter-service restaurant meal, the Aquarium's swanky reservation-taking restaurant is open from 11 to 3 (its bar is open until 5:30, which is good news for those who've had a grueling visit and are accompanied by a designated driver).

Make Use of Bolt-Holes
Like many kids with autism, Leo craves small enclosed spaces. There are several throughout the Aquarium. I prefer the two pictured below (exterior of the Wave Tunnel pool, Wild About Otters), because they are small -- Leo is not going to get overwhelmed by jostling kids -- and they're shallow enough that if need be I can easily reach in and yank him out.



Pre-Entry Bathrooms
Unless you're visiting on a really slow day, you're going to have a long walk between your car and the Aquarium. If you've also had a long drive, and your child is still mastering bathroom skills, you might be anxious about ticketing areas delays impeding a critical pit stop. Please know that the Aquarium thoughtfully provides *outside* bathrooms opposite the Groups & Will Call entrance.

Take Breaks
Even on busy days, the Aquarium has many underused areas to take overwhelmed children who need to chill out. We like the area outside the Touch Pools (pictured, see if you can find Leo), but the benches between the Skywalk and the Anchovy Dome entrance to the Jellies Gallery are also rarely used. On slower days, the decks past the Splash Zone slide or opposite the Outer Bay/Jellies Gallery are good places to exhale.



Make It a Learning Opportunity
Leo likes the Aquarium so much that it qualifies as a motivator, and we've incorporated it into his learning. I made him this simple sight-reading grid in Gimp, and then laminated it so we can bring it on our visits.

At home, I've turned the grid into a two-sided sight-reading and matching game. He can match pictures to the picture and word, or just word to word -- but either way he stays engaged, because he's looking at pictures and words from one of his favorite places.



Surrender
Leo thinks the Aquarium is a magical place. There are few other places he can have so many self-guided positive sensory and engaging experiences. He can commune with the "Nemo" fish in the Splash Zone coral reef tunnel indefinitely, he would dance in the Wave Tunnel forever. Though I am usually an impatient sort, when I see my son having the kind of fun the Aquarium provides, I surrender. I'll stay with him as long as he wants, doing whatever he wants. And I'll keep bringing him back.
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Please note that the Aquarium has its own list of tips for visitors, including disability access. For families that need accommodation, and with two weeks' advance notice, the Aquarium will arrange special tours.

Bay Area Hikes With Children With Autism

Summer has officially started, not because Leelo's last day of school was five days ago, but because at this moment all three kids are swimming in the pool while I watch them over the rim of my laptop and wipe drops of chlorinated water from its screen.

Leelo and I have already started our daily summer excursions, to help exorcise his "this is not my usual routine!" tantrums, and keep his summertime soul intact. Today we did a three-mile trek through the forbidding poison oak groves of otherwise much-loved Edgewood County Park. It was just the two of us as the girls have a few more days in school.

Leelo is often at his best as a 1:1 boy, and was at his truly very best today. I decided to experiment with not letting him have new straws or snacks on the trail (he has been obsessing over both recently), and he not only resigned himself to being denied, but asked for kisses and hugs instead. He was a cheerful, happy, engaged boy for the entire hike. He didn't complain or dawdle, not once.

It was one of the best mornings we've ever had together. Positively blissful. His Superman shirt and forehead curl didn't exactly curb my adoration.



Leelo and I hike a lot. A lot a lot. Sometimes with family, sometimes with friends, and sometimes as a dynamic duo. We both need the exercise, and he needs an outlet for his excess energy. If we put in real mileage, it makes us both more cheerful.

We've spent so many hours trekking through so many Bay Area parks and preserves; it's time to formalize our opinions about the best San Francisco Bay Area trails for kids like Leelo. (Note that every one of these parks has a bathroom in the parking lot or at the trailhead.)

UPDATE MAY 2011: Castle Rock State Park and Samuel P. Taylor State Park are both slated for closure in July 2012 due to state budget cuts.

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Families With Small Children: Summer
Little Butano Creek Trail, Butano State Park



Little Butano Creek Trail, in Butano State Park, is an ideal hike for kids with autism or ADHD, and toddlers. It is a 1.5 mile (3 miles return), easily followed trail with plenty for kids to look at (banana slugs, caves, shallow creeks, bridges, boardwalks). It is mostly flat, shady, and surrounded by my favorite kind of Redwood splendor.

Be mindful: There is much to tempt children who love to play with water.

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Families With Small Children: Winter
Crystal Springs Cross Country Course, Belmont



Not great for families with members in wheelchairs because at the moment you have to squeeze through the bike barriers to access these trails, but otherwise excellent for winter trekking. We don't go during the summer because it is on an exposed ridge, with not one tree. Lots of gently sloped trails that turn back on themselves, so you can hike as minimally or as much as you want to.

Be mindful: Do not go during a cross country event!

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Families Who Like to Clamber
Castle Rock State Park, above Saratoga



Bouldering opportunities and the small enclosed spaces so beloved by my son and his friends abound. It's a popular site for rock climbers, so if you want to avoid people, go early or on a weekday. It's an uphill, half-mile hike to get to the bouldering area.

Be mindful: Keep an eye on your kids, even if you think they have common sense (none of mine do; not really, not yet). There are quite a few drop offs on the backsides of the boulder clusters.

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Families With Kids Who Never Run Out of Energy
Sweeney Ridge from Sneath Lane Trailhead, San Bruno



This is a history-rich trail that just keeps going up, up, and up. You can even bring dogs, if you keep them on-leash. The clear-day views are fantastic.

Be mindful: Not for the easily winded.

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Families With Kids in Wheelchairs
Sonoma Coast State Beach Vista Trail, near Jenner



A fully-accessible trail with cut-out picnic tables, mostly level trails, fabulous views, and accessible bathrooms. Note that this trail is north of Jenner, and so not a casual outing for most Bay Area residents.

Be mindful: It can be windy, so make sure everyone brings layers.

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Families Who Like Tidepools and Sensory Soothing
Bean Hollow/Pebble Beach, Año Nuevo State Park





This one gets two pictures. Pebble Beach at Bean Hollow is one of our all-time favorite places for Leelo to indulge in sensory play. The smooth pebbles that make up this beach feel so good on his hands and feet; he will dig in them indefinitely.

There are tidepools at the north end of the beach, and the very easy trail at the south end of the parking lot leads to even more of them. Great exploring for nimble children accompanied by watchful parents.

Be mindful: The water is cold, the waves unpredictable, and the submerged rocks plentiful. Stay on the upper part of the beach, and do not turn your back on the ocean. Beaches are not even remotely wheelchair-accessible.

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Families Whose Children Like to Play in the Water
Samuel P. Taylor State Park, Lagunitas



Lovely place to take small children. On warm days, you can let them splash in the shallower areas of the creek, which is accessible from the outer rim of the plentiful picnic areas/parking lot. Wide, level trails (converted from rails) make for easy hiking, offshoot trails head up hills and into redwood groves. Mostly shady even in summer, and very picturesque.

Be Mindful: Cultivate mutual respect with visible cyclists, as you will be sharing trails with them.