Rules for Trolls

If you need to write about a sensitive topic anonymously, I understand, and will allow. But anonymous trolls' comments will henceforth be deleted.

Personal attacks don't bother me, I can take it, and am rather amused when someone passes judgment based on the .05% of my life that appears on this page. But I can't help worrying that nasty comments will bounce off me and hit a fragile or vulnerable reader, instead.

Think about what Mary Oliver wrote (in a book given by the luminous Jennifer):
Mostly, I want to be kind
And nobody, of course, is kind
or mean,
for a simple reason

And nobody gets out of it, having to
swim through the fires to stay in
this world.
You might be an asshole for a complicated knot of very good reasons. I understand that, too. But I won't let my comments be your shield. As I told Iz, when she yelled "idiots!" at a house that had a "Yes on Prop 8" sign on its lawn, "You should be yelling, 'Try Tolerance.'" Try being helpful. Being bitter and mean helps no one, and ultimately corrodes your own soul.

And ask for help, if you need it. That's the main reason this site is here.


  1. Anonymous4:17 AM

    Beautifully said. You are a wise woman, indeed. xxk

  2. Anonymous7:40 AM

    And who do you consider trolls? Anyone who doesn't think exactly like you?

  3. @kristen, thanks for the vote of confidence. I am more petty than wise, but am trying to reverse the balance.

    @anonymous, I am all for respectful disagreement and love a good debate, that is how we learn. And if you have a lot to share, we want to learn about it! But comments that pass judgment without respect for opposing viewpoints will be deleted.

    Some people do not consider how nasty written words can appear without the context of tone of voice or body language. Your comment, said out loud, might be cheeky, earnest, deadpan, cranky, or nasty. We don't know. That is why commenters in general need to be careful with their phrasing if they want people to take their statements to heart.

    Again, I can handle whatever anyone dishes out, because no one could possibly be harder on me than I am on myself. I am trying to protect readers who are really struggling with similar issues, who might be severely depressed, and whose efforts to help their children seem herculean and are derailed only too easily.

    And then there's the fact that quirky kids often have quirky parents. Kids who lack theory of mind often have parents who lack theory of mind. Because there's nothing wrong with being right! I suspect this may be the case with some commenters, in which case deleting their comments is part of their life-long learning process about how to behave appropriately in online social interactions.

  4. Anonymous8:39 AM

    Luminous! I love that word!

    And I love what you say about trolls, too. Perfect!

    Thanks for the link love and the Mary Oliver quote...she's brought me through many a trying time. Now THERE's a truly luminous person...



Respectful disagreement encouraged.