3.18.2004

I'm the Idea Guy

I think Jo is so very much on the right path with her Democrat/Hilton porn. Suck the non-believers in, tantalize them, make it so they can't turn away, seed their brains with your real messages! Brilliant.

But I am not satisfied. I want to see her do more, specifically a chirpily accessible yet subversive novel that would fly off the supermarket racks and convert everyone to our path of righteous one world love.

We need her help because our current tactics are all wrong. Why do most people blow us off when we've got science on our side, when all we want is to protect the welfare and health of all living things?

Because we cling, stridently, to our facts, and brandish them pompously. Because we are earnest, and earnest = dull + dead in the water. Because everyone hated Cassandra. If the material lining the supermarket checkout aisles indicates what most people want to read, then most people are never going to listen to us.

So here's what Jo needs to do, because I cannot. Title her next book something along the lines of "The Shopaholic and The Prince." Punch it up with the lusty lust coupled with Pride and Prejudice-scale misunderstandings and separations. Have them chase each other all over the globe, suspensefully. And, along the way, have them witness environmental fuckups, such as the Shopaholic's chapeau blowing off and landing in a nearby pond--and immediately disintegrating in the toxic sludge. But make it funny! Make it seem light! Balance it so the environmental themes worm their way into the readers' minds without bopping them over their heads.

How should it end? Tricky...a full-scale conversion could work, if it's written charmingly enough, and gently satirizes famous tree huggers like Julia Butterfly Hill. But, again, it would have to be very, very funny. I would even accept the Shopaholic's epiphany resulting in her adopting a Real Simple-style lifestyle, and planting a tiny organic vegetable plot in her townhouse's yard. As long as she makes a point of tossing all her Lucky magazines.

So get on it already!

P.S. I want a playlist for that awesome CD you made me, please. I am unable to listen to it otherwise, because I am compulsive and anal about such things.

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