Two Frank, Funny Females

My OB, upon using her top-secret ultrasound superpowers to discover the fibroid lounging in the top of my womb:

Dr. K: Well, it's just sitting there, sort of poking into your lining. Probably this is why you've been experiencing irregularities. It's not going to cause any problems, though. It won't keep you from getting pregnant. You're not thinking of getting pregnant, are you?

Me: Huh? No!

Dr. K: Because you're kind of old.

Me: What? Hey!

Dr. K: And you only have one working tube.

Me: Yes, I know.

Dr. K: And you already have two kids.

Me: Yes, I know. I am grateful for my blessings.

Dr. K: OK then.


Cut to: Me lounging in the bath this evening after a hell day of dashing all over the Peninsula for Leelo's various appointments. Iz comes barging in and starts up a conversation.

Me: Sweetie, I am taking a bath. This is my private time.

Iz: But Mommy, I missed you today! (Leans over and points at my naked self.) Ooh, I haven't seen that tattoo before. I like it!

Me: Thanks, sweetie.

Iz: And I like that you have hair on your bum-bum. Will I ever have hair like that?

Me: [Urp?] When you're older, and hit puberty. Probably around age 12.

Iz: You have a ring in your belly button. Why don't you have a ring in your eyebrow?

Me: Because I chose to have rings in other places.

Iz: Like where?

Me: Uh... (long explanation, also covering No Tattoos Until You're 18 and why one should not be impulsive about permanent body modifications.)

I will definitely be having a conversation with her before school tomorrow, to make sure that this discussion doesn't become part of show-and-tell.

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