I recently took our cat Media to the vet, for the reason that a few days previously I had removed and bagged what appeared to be a worm from her bottom. (It actually looked like a wiggling grain of basmati rice, which is why when we were out for a rowdy though enjoyable dinner with my friend Wombat that evening, and he asked me--between Iz's continuous queries to him about rotary vs. piston engines and his Prius and his iPhone, the latter of which he so generously let all of us paw at--if I'd like some rice, I said "No, thank you.")
The vet immediately identified the specimen as a tapeworm. Which meant two things: 1) I feel really bad about yelling at the cats during the past two weeks and saying things like, "What the fuck is wrong with you? I just fed you! You'd think you all have tapeworms!" and 2) That the people who sold us our new house left us not only with a pool that leaks and whose cover no longer works and with door handles that randomly pull off and door hinges that randomly fall off and windows that go off their tracks unless you only open them halfway and shower shelfs that randomly pull off the wall and bathtubs whose stoppers don't work, but also with a tapeworm-infested cat. Cats get tapeworms from fleas, we've been treating her for fleas ever since she came under our aegis, and the vet confirmed that Media is flea-free. Grrrr. Now all the cats need their stool sampled. Party!
Other than the worms, however, Media is a gloriously healthy cat. I told the vet that our new kitty is a good hunter, and that that's how she survived the week during which we didn't realize she'd become our responsibility. The vet said, "Aha! That explains her good teeth. Hunter cats never have tartar--they keep their teethed flossed with all those yummy little lizards and rats!"
I also told the vet that Media's former owners said they had to leave her behind because she was feral. The vet said, as Media nudged her hand for more scratches-behind-the-ear, "Yes, that explains why I can't hear her heatbeat through all the purring. Feral cats purr too much when people pet them and hold them."
Those former owners are such assholes. I also just found out that they'd offered Media to our neighbor right before they moved away. Jerks.
Sweet kitty, though.