The tone of the previous post was not intended to be so much "Oh poor me," but rather "Holy fuck, can you believe this crap? I believe it's time for a beer!" And that is exactly what happened when Ep and Clyde walked in, post-table-shattering. They helped me clean up the mess, too, though in my haste I forgot to save any of the glass dust for sprinkling into the food of mine enemies. I don't know where my head is these days.
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