6.12.2008

When Did I Become So Incompetent?

Why is it that a swimming play date/simple dinner at my house with my kids' three cousins and one of Iz's friends and two other adults leaves me so stressed and exhausted that I fall asleep while "reading" to Mali in her bed at 9 PM?

Oh yeah, it's the fact that Leelo might take someone out at any minute. Whole new layer of stress beyond the special needs kid stress, which has long since metamorphosed into mama bear fuck-you righteousness anyhow.

I'm thinking back to the days when I would be perfectly comfortable as the only adult supervising an overnight backyard camping playdate with Eliz, Sophie, Violet, Fifi, and Iz, while also watching Leelo and baby Mali, making buffalo meatballs & spaghetti dinner from scratch, all while Seymour was away at a conference. How did I ever do that? And when did I become so small and weak? Or is this just what I look like in the morning before coffee?

Aaaigh, late for Bad Moms' Coffee. My auntie is coming today!

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8 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:42 AM

    YOU ARE NOT INCOMPETENT!
    Repeat after me: I, Squid am NOT incompetent. Say that at least 3 times. More if there's time.

    What you are ---is raising three people. Three very different people with very different needs. And believe it or not you have needs too.

    Take care of yourself FIRST by being as EMPATHIC with yourself as you are with others. Then be as kind, caring, and good hearted with yourself as you are with others.

    WITH GREAT RESPECT, Pres. of the Squid Fan Club -- Jersey Girl

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  2. okay, I would have to agree with what anonymous, but also PLEASE consider talking with someone from church/dr.s office or such so you can take care of yourself so you can be better for your kids and husband and friends.

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  3. Just reading the summary of your swimming play date makes me tired... and I was not even there!
    Grrrl, you are good, but (fortunately) only human!
    Hang in there. In my book you are doing great ...and a lot!

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  4. How about this - what would you comment to any of your friends if we had written this entry instead of you? Perhaps something like: "Stop expecting yourself to always be superwoman."?

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  5. weak is not EVER a word I would associate with you. EVER

    you just fall asleep at 9 because you are old! *ducks*

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  6. I agree with the other posters, and I would add this - you appear to accomplish more daily than most people I know accomplish in a week. (Myself included, and I'm a brand new doctor starting internship next month.)
    You have not become weak. You have seen the amount on your plate exponentially increase, and it sounds like you are reaching the limits of your (previously) seemingly endless energy. Having limits does not make you weak, it makes you human.

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  7. I dunno about small and weak, but needing some care yourself, yeah.

    Part of the difference is not just watching Leelo so hard, but several extra years without enough sleep.

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  8. *raises hand and says in "I knew that" voice* I fall asleep at 9PM.

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Respectful disagreement encouraged.

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