1.05.2004

Numfar! Do the Dance of Joy!

(If you get that, you are exactly my kind of geek)

These past few days I have been sunk in the kind of funk I've not seen for years, not since early 1998 when the following three things happened simultaneously:

1) They took away my dream job producing geography/atlas software and instead handed me pre-teen girls software (Babysittter's C1ub--BARF).
2) Seymour and I had been trying for 8 months to get pregnant, and my doctor hinted that since I'd already had one ectopic pregnancy, both my fallopian tubes might be fucked up and I might never conceive.
3) The pro-open-adoption mother of the baby I gave up 8 years earlier got cancer and died within three weeks, leaving the kid in the sole custody of his pro-closed-adoption father. I'd given them a full shoebox of carefully constructed journals, photos, etc. to give the kid if the question of me ever came up, and can only guess how quickly it got tossed in the trash.

That was a bad time. I used to bail on work a lot, spending hours meandering around Woodside and RWC on my bike.

Not sure what's going on now, except that I probably need a day or two by myself. Didn't get one in 2003, and that's not good. Not at all. I require hermit time to rejuvenate, and the cycles I'm currently getting are too short for true rest. If I wasn't so disorganized I probably could have made it happen.

The result: I have been feeling evil, spiteful, and low. I even hit poor Seymour with a howling torrent of vitriol on Saturday (first time ever, I think). To his credit, he did not counter-attack, but rather cut me loose to sulk and grumble in what passes as the far corners of the house all weekend.

But tonight, a friend who is as deeply and professionally immersed in children's literature as anyone I know (she produces children's television shows, many based on books) told me that my Iz story was "so awesome," and that I should get it published (!?). She said that she was howling with laughter and that her son (Iz's betrothed) was riveted. Wow. Unexpected. What to do? I have no idea, except that I've asked the eminently capable Ep to do a technical edit. Hmmm. Xlibris?

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