1.02.2005

Collective Breath Holding

I don't know about you, but I didn't make any resolutions for this year. Mostly this is due to pig-headedness--I refuse to do "what everyone else is doing." And then there's the fact that I honestly didn't have a minute to think about it until the moment had already passed.

Because these past two weeks have been brutal. The whining that has taken place in this journal has been the snapshot version. (And bite me if you think that my privileges negate sanity-perforating stress.) Seymour and I are both at wits' end, and have entered into a pact--if we can just make it through until tomorrow, when Leelo goes back to school and therapy, then we'll be okay.

I knew in advance that it was a bad idea to have my entire family over for Xmas right after Mali's arrival, but since my mom was already here and my eldest brother and his wife were coming out to visit her two local sisters anyhow, there wasn't much in the way of choice.

The ants and flu and visitors were the superficial stressors. What really is making me go nutty, and Seymour even more so, is trying to run herd on a trio when the kids have been out of school for two weeks. Especially with Leelo.

Our boy really can't have this kind of break from his schedule in the future. Or, if it's unavoidable, we have to at least get some kind of quality baby sitting for him, so that he at least one part of each day is focused and predictable.

But we weren't able to give Leelo what he needed, for almost two weeks. And now we have a loupy (heh) wolf-boy on our hands. I am hope hope hoping that his regular routine will snap him back into shape, that he will stop running around gibbering and nattering, and will start talking to us again.

My brain's gears are still jammed as I try to write this, so I'm not sure if my point is coming across. What I'm trying to say is that, now that some of the stressors have abated and I can partially process what we've just been through, that I am making a resolution after all. In order to keep my family from losing every last bit of its structural integrity, I have to admit that we need more help with Leelo, and that this is not a failing on anyone's part.

I will start looking for a weekend babysitter/therapist for Leelo, immediately. Three-four hours per day.

Because of Leelo, we are not a "normal" family. My New Year's resolution is to stop pretending that we are. A stiff upper lip will drag us all down into HELL.

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