Oh For Fuck's Sake

Last night was the first parent meeting for Leelo's preschool.

These mandatory three-hour meetings happen twice monthly. The local adult school partially funds the preschool (tuition is cheap cheap cheap!); in return we must put in a set number of hours of parent education to keep our good standing and cashflow.

Everyone was kind and earnest, in keeping with my previous experience and school tradition. They were very friendly and welcoming about Supervisor M's handouts describing Leelo and his background and our goals and how to interact with him in class.

But then we did the "get to know you" section of the show. Teacher K had us talk about who we are, why we chose Iron Gate, and, for fun, what food we eat when no one is looking. We chatted about our answers with a partner, and then our partner got to tell the class all about us.

As we went 'round the room, I found the food answers increasingly silly. In my mind, a food you eat when no one is looking is something horrible or nasty or weird. Apparently at Iron Gate, where sugar of any kind is forbidden, the worst possible horrible nasty food is either chocolate, ice cream, or Cheetos. One person--I must get to know her better--admitted to a hankering for McDickwad's chicken sandwiches.

I went last. My answer was the morally bankrupt foie gras. Everyone in the room gasped. Exactly, people. I wouldn't eat it in front of you, just as you would only eat your chocolate late at night, with all the shutters closed, sitting on your bed of nails and wearing your hairshirt.

Then we talked about food allergies. I said that we didn't feed Leelo chocolate or citrus because it makes him crazy, but that as Therapist F would be monitoring his food intake, they wouldn't need to worry. This let to a collective titter about how they would NEVER allow chocolate at Iron Gate anyhow, so it wasn't really an issue. Give me a break.

My approach to our kids' food is that they eat good, wholesome fare most of the time. But if they want to cut loose with an occasional soda or donut, more power to them. They know that these foods are special treats. I don't want them to end up like me, eating Lucky Charms cereal for every meal of every day in college just because I was denied it for the 17 years beforehand.

It was also funny to hear everyone else's reasons for choosing the school. They all cited the Sense of Community! and the nurturing environment. I was amused to hear Scarlett list this as well, when in fact she chose the school because I told her to. Then it was my turn. I said I chose Iron Gate because the kids don't have to be potty-trained. I wonder if these people will ever talk to me again.

Fuck 'em for now. I have made a 6:30 reservation at a local restaurant featuring foie gras terrine as an appetizer, and several chocolate desserts. I wish Seymour had time to come with me, as we've been completely parallel for more than two weeks and I miss him (don't tell him I wrote that!), but he is coming off a hard-core weekend of solo dad-dom and so is running off into the mountains with his new biking friend.

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