6.16.2005

I Don't Know How It's Done

Someone put me in a blender yesterday and pressed "high." They forgot to put the lid on. I am still cleaning myself off the kitchen walls. This will therefore be a haphazard and most likely incomprehensible entry.

Yesterday was a craze-maze of obligations and tasks. Driving Iz to school, then rushing over to the store to get supplies for her school's end-of-year picnic, picking up her and her classmates, herding them over to the park for the festivities, ducking out in the middle to attend Leelo's team meeting at my house (where Supervisor M gave me a book and Sage brought me dinner--such amazing friends I have), fielding phone calls phone calls phone calls all day, returning to the park to pick up the kids and take them back to school, Violet and Iz asking for a playdate, me agreeing within unintended earshot of Violet's sister Fifi, who wanted to come too, driving with all four girls (inc. Mali) to pick up flowers for Babysitter A and Iz's Maestra G and then having to extricate the big girls from the kids' area of the shop and realizing that both Violet and Fifi have already pinned me as a softie and ignored my pleas until the shop lady gave them the boot, then picking up my cousin, then getting back to the house where the girls all ran riot and completely destroyed the house in ways I couldn't even have predicted and pretended to be babies and wore Leelo's diapers and I didn't care as long as they were having fun but Seymour found it creepy that they actually peed in them...I think they were just experimenting with regression and that they still remember what it's like to wear a diaper whereas we adults don't so the concept is totally taboo, and everyone stayed until past nine. That ill-constructed run-on doesn't even begin to describe how befuddled and overwhelmed my mental state, all day.

I do not understand how people can lead social lives when they have small children, and maintain their sanity. Having people over to my house, unless they clean up after themselves and put everything back exactly where it belongs (impossible unless they suck on my brain), wears me out completely. It also takes away from time with Leelo and Mali. Iz, too, but unlike her siblings she can demand Mommy face time. Let's not even mention how much it sucks to be my partner just now.

I can't really describe what is bothering me about this. I am missing out on the things that matter to me even though I am present! I am not really being with my kids and friends and partner--because I am in charge of a family whose logistics take so much time and effort to manage. And, if you were to look at my house or ask my children how often they get a real meal, it would be obvious that I am not managing it very well.

Supervisor M wants Leelo's potty training to start in earnest. She wants family participation. I want to pretend the subject doesn't exist, but have managed to delay any commitment from me until after we return from next month's vacation.

Aiigh. Well. I am having a lovely time with my cousin, as are the other members of my family. Despite the bashing I gave him below, he is a magical person with unparalleled senses of life, wicked sly humor, and connecting with kids that I never will possess. He is a delight to have around.

Yesterday's quote of the day:
Five-year old Fifi to my cousin, who had just taken out his ponytail and whose head then looked like a spider had sat on it: "Nice Dreads!"

Today is Iz's last day of first grade.

Mali is now sitting bolt upright on laps and in car seats and such. She usually goes from a placed sitting position to a tripod instead of falling over. Doesn't yet get how to do it herself, though. Poops real little logs now. Babbling again.

Leelo had a really good day yesterday. He usually does right after he's been sick and we take him off of all his supplements during the illness. Makes one think.

Off to Coffee.

Happy Birthday JP!

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