I haven't allowed myself caffeine in a while. Months and months. Then, last Saturday, Seymour took my request for a coffee literally, instead of reading my mind and getting me a decaf.
I was talking to Jo when the caffeine hit my bloodstream, and all of the sudden I was yammering away at 120 MPH about the hypocrisy of Jesus-co-opting Christians who lead the least Christ-like, least humanitarian lives possible; about coming to terms with the disconnect between our communist hearts and our privileged lives; about whether or not Iz should watch a non-coddling NOVA documentary about population trends and how it sucks to be a woman in so much of the world; about whether we can introduce our children to reality without breaking their hearts and yanking the rug of their childhoods out from under them; about how Leelo is doing and what we think is working and how autism is more than likely several different conditions with similar symptoms manifestations, about this that and five thousand other things.
It was only later that I realized what must have happened, called Seymour, and verified my suspicions. It wasn't me, it was the caffeine.
Which is a bummer, and, along with the Leelo-management, Iz-wrestling, and Mali-care, explains a bit of why I've done fuck-all with my life lately. I've been mania-free. Which means I've also not had the corresponding depression troughs like those that hit so hard right around the time I got knocked up with Mali and haven't experienced since. And that's a good thing, right?
I had another coffee this morning, and then a double this afternoon. I felt like I had to as we're having a BBQ at our place tomorrow and--even though it's Memorial Day weekend and I thought a lot of people would be out of town--almost everyone we invited is coming. Which is good albeit overwhelming when one's home is as messy as mine. Forty-five very welcome people, including kids. I had to have that double-dose of rocket fuel to prep and clean, right? I suspect this is how many addictions are justified. And how I'm typing so fast.